When it comes to the horror genre, I am always giddy to see horror movies and play horror games; which is one of the many reasons why "Silent Hill Revelations 3D" pisses me off!
For those of you who do not know what this movie is about, I'll explain in brief. "Silent Hill Revelations 3D" is the sequel to the movie "Silent Hill", both movies are based off of the "Silent Hill", a survival horror video game, franchise that are notable for their use of symbolic, psychological and disturbing imagery to invoke horror. They are notable for their dark and complex story-lines as well as memorable characters and chilling moments.
Trust me when I say that almost none of that made it into this film. For those people who still want to go see it without too much spoiled about the plot itself, here's a brief list of what to expect from this movie: Bad acting, bad dialogue, confusing story, a baker's dozen batch of McGuffins, poor consistency between shots, emotional inconsistency between scenes, direct-to-video quality CGI, over-reliance on CGI, many characters that are unspent cannon fodder, over-reliance on references to the Silent Hill 3 video game, random references to other games that are thrown in, missing iconic scenes from Silent Hill 3, characters and monsters seem to be aware that they are in a movie, butchering of iconic characters from the games, lack of consistency for a sequel to the first movie, and almost every scare in the movie is a jump scare. Yes, that is a BRIEF list of things that you should expect from this movie, there was plenty more that I left out.
If I have one thing to say that's genuinely nice about this film, it's that its 3D is quite passable, but is extremely hindered by the poor quality CGI. Also, another thing is that when the movie shuts up and gives the atmosphere a chance to set in, the ambiance within the silence is actually beautiful; footsteps sound creepy, breathing is suspenseful, and the tension is pretty good, but those moments are undercut by the fact that you just know that something is going to pop out and ruin it. So, even the golden parts of the movie are still covered in shit.
Do I recommend this movie? No, not in the slightest. I would actually recommend watching the original Silent Hill movie over this, because that movie was more faithful to the games, even despite the massive re-haul to the story and characters, than this one was. Silent Hill Revelations 3D SUCKS, it's just another example of a shameful cash-in on a game license. If I find a time machine sometime in the future, I will go back in time and tell my past self to just throw my money into the gutter and watch it drift into the storm-drain, because that would be a higher quality entertainment and more worth my time than this piece of crap movie.
I'll follow this review up with another post or two sometime soon and I'll try to explain myself a bit more in depth as to why this movie failed so hard and could have been so much more. But in order to do that properly, I think I need to explain a bit about the horror genre. But until then, stay tuned for another review from your glorious lord master internet reviewer: The Schism!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
"Oh the Schism..." Introduction
Greetings, guys and gals, and welcome to my video game, movie and manga, review website! If you're here, then you must love one of those three and have come to see what this little internet critic thinks about certain gems or bombs of the world of entertainment.
First off, I must emphasize that most of this will be done for comical value and even though I may sometimes set your hearts ablaze with rage with what I've said, remember that this is all done in good fun and I mean absolutely every goddamn word of what I say in these reviews. If you have a comment about something you think I may have missed or anything like that, feel free to post it and feel empowered as I take every opportunity to ignore it...okay, I guess I can respond when I feel like it.
Secondly, I want to explain about my "Lucky 7" grading scale. Unlike most websites or magazines that use a 1-10 scale of rating, I prefer to think that the numbers 1-2 are not possible, unless the creators go out of their way to make it intentionally bad, and the number 10 is impossible as well, because I believe that is saying that it is the Platonic ideal of what games/movies/manga of that genre should be like (a.k.a. a hyperbole). So to be as unbiased as I possibly can, I grade it on scale of 3-9, but I prefer to make it 1-7 to make it a little more rounded for the grading system. If you guys don't like it, then congratulations! You now know exactly how I feel about the regular grading system!
Thirdly, when I start out I will just be doing text reviews, but as I gain some more income from my real-world adventures and gain some technology that I can put to good use, then I will start doing vlogs and other types of video reviews so that I can rise up for all you peons to see my everlasting glory!
Lastly, I want to thank you all for visiting this website and supporting my venture into the world of critics. I will try to update with a review once every week, maybe two reviews depending on if I can get a hold of certain games, movies or manga to review.
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